How many friends do you have who you know really love you? Most of us have several people we consider friends, but there are probably only a few that we would say truly love us. As I've thought about it, I believe true love/friendship has four distinguishing features. If these traits are true of your relationship, then you have a genuine love. You have a real friend.

TRANSPARENCY

Without honesty, you don't have a real friendship. Without honesty, neither one of you truly has the heart of the other. One of the ways you know have a true friend is when you can be your total self with them, and not be cast aside. You can open up, be vulnerable, and feel safe. Relationships where people cannot be completely honest about their likes, their fears, their failures, their beliefs, and their dreams, because they are afraid they may lose the relationship, or that they will not be protected, are shallow relationships which will not stand the test of time. If you want to have a genuine love and friendship, you must strive for total transparency.

There is no one who models this quality of friendship better than Jesus. The Bible says He is full of grace and truth (John 1:14). Jesus holds nothing back from us that we need to know. He wants you to be completely transparent with Him, too. Jesus is not pleased with those who honor Me with their lips, but their heart is far from Me (Matthew 15:8). Until you get honest with Jesus about who you are, you will not have a relationship with Him. He will settle for nothing less than your whole heart. And, this is what true friends give - their whole heart.

UNCONDITIONAL COMMITMENT

When a person truly loves you and is your friend, it doesn't change when you fail, or disappoint. It doesn't change when you are popular with others, or when you're not so popular. The Bible says, A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity (Proverbs 17:17).

See who rallies around you when you're at your lowest - these are your friends. A friend loves you because you always need it, not because you always deserve it. And, there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother (Proverbs 18:24). Jesus says to those who are trusting Him as Savior, I will never desert you, nor will I ever forsake you (Hebrews 13:5).

SELF-SACRIFICE

Real love and friendship require us to give of ourselves and to keep on giving. Many marriages and friendships are lost, because of selfishness. Love is not selfish. Love does what's best for the other person, even if it means denying its own desires. If you're not willing to sacrifice what you want for the sake of the other person's need, then you don't love them. Love actually delights in sacrificing in order to meet the other person's need. For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life (John 3:16). Greater love has no one than this, that one lay down his life for his friends (John 15:13).

HUMILITY

Someone has said that a great marriage is made up of two great forgivers. The same could be said of great friendships (which is really what a marriage should be). Forgiveness requires humility. When I have an accurate recognition of my own weaknesses, it makes me much more understanding and patient with others. When I appreciate all Jesus has forgiven me of, then I am very willing to forgive others. If I proudly think that I'm better, or that I deserve more, then I'm not going to be much of a friend to those who need me. Proud people don't forgive. And, where there is no forgiveness, love is missing. The Bible says of Jesus, He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross (Philippians 2:8). Jesus went to the cross, so we could be forgiven.

Cultivate these characteristics in the relationships with others that God has given you. If your friendships are marked by these four qualities, you will never lack for love, and you will be very much like Jesus.